On Brain Chemistry, Music and having a Gangsta Mentality when depressed

I’ve been listening to Genesis Owusu and Scarface, and have noticed that depression (and substance abuse) can be a refrain. Have had poor response to some psych meds, and take a ‘gangsta’ mentality during the low times.

Incidentally, the wallpaper in this picture is not green screen fake background, it’s genuine wallpaper from my husband’s apartment from “Scarface.” This vid is dedicated to anyone whose meds stopped working and wondered about the brain chemistry behind these failures. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kraukjE1eyw

Dealing W/ Music Publishers to avoid legal issues:

I’m writing a S. Florida opiate memoir that has a Redemptive Rock and Roll Weave rolling through it. On YouTube, I have a music/mental health channel, and I DO consider opiate-dependence to be a behavioral health issue.

I want to be able to cite lyrics and song titles in my work…but there’s always the issue of copyright protection. And the music publishers, like BMG, who I repeatedly contacted regarding my request for “Fair Use,” well, I got cordial email responses, but never an answer.

So with regards to Brad Scarface Jordan of The Geto Boys, I couldn’t wait any longer to get that bullshit out in the street.

The trickiest part was figuring out how sneak the part about CVS Slangin’ Dope on Every Block WORLDWIDE! past YouTube’s Copyright Cookies or whatever they are.

I devised my own little method but I’d have LOVED to just say the whole thing rather than split it up the way I did. 

Let me know if this crazy old white lady’s take on a rap is CRINGE, CHEUGY or what.

Calling all Writers an invite to Davie Writers Group on Google Drive

This online writers critique group used to be in person before Covid…at Nova University in Ft Lauderdale Florida, but now that it’s online…anyone can participate. It’s a good group. I’ve been in it for a year and a half now, and it feels like home. The group might not always ‘get’ my crazy rock and roll opiate recovery memoir material…but they give good constructive feedback and half of us are published authors. Here’s the link with contact info:


Lived across AIA from Champlain Towers Surfside

In 2001, I lived across the street from the water in a condo. Because I used to run on the sand, I walked over the water whenever I was not working. The strip of sand on the beach was really narrow…almost too sloped and narrow to run on. It always amazed me how close the water was to the beachside condos.

Now I’m hearing that Champlain Towers were build over a hole in the ground (the parking garage)…why didn’t they put parking floors on higher levels and build the condominiums on semi-solid ground? Who is liable for this design? Anyone? The construction company probably doesn’t even exist.

Calling all writers to South Florida Writers Group on Google Drive.

Peter UttalNewSure. share it all around.

I’ve been in this group for over a year. Half of the writers are published. We used to be in person at Nova Southeastern University in Ft Lauderdale, but now we’re online. They tolerate all my mental health memoir material ….you can write about whatever. If you’ve ever considered writing as therapy or revenue stream, check us out. Anyone can participate from anywhere. All forms of writing encouraged. Above, please find blurb & contact info:

Dealing w/Record Labels, Publishing Companies to avoid legal issues

I’m writing a rock and roll opiate memoir set in South Florida. Lyrics and song references come up, like listening to a Steely Dan Record so full of self-loathing you’re gagging on the stuff, but there’s a problem…you have to get the rights or “Fair Use” permission from the labels or publishing company.

Take this Video I made about Scarface and depression, for example. I wanted to quote lyrics, had contacted BMG..went back and forth with cordial emails but never got a “Yes” or No” answer. Finally I just couldn’t wait around anymore to put my shit out on the street so I went for it.

The trickiest part was getting the lyrics past YouTube’s copyright cookies. Check out my little method and let me know what you think. I could be f’ing up my own game, but I’m a bit of a trainwreck, ya know.


Who, among you, is depressed? Scarface is the way out.

Man, did I land the big fish. I was working out, trying to get my depression to lift, and I heard Scarface’s “Can’t Get Right”…the lyrics about legal drug dealers are Priceless, you’ve got to hear them!

This song lets you know you’re not alone, and to be brave and go ahead and speak your truth. I’ve searched for interviews with Brad Jordan (Scarface) on YouTube, and not only does he talk about depression, but says that suicide is always in the back of his head, ‘in layers’ as he puts it,…but that as an option, taking your life is..shall we say..just a bit too permanent.

Here’s a video I made after reading Scarface’s memoir, “Diary of a Madman.” Let me know if this crazy old lady in Florida is just totally cringe or what.

Filter (the band), new music and Covid Masks.

One of the things I love about making short mental health/music videos is I take a deeper dive into what’s going on with current music.

Sirius Satellite Radio (which I have) keeps pretty tight rotation…so the only song you hear on Lithium channel is “Hey Man, Nice Shot”…maybe over on Octane you might hear “Take a Picture” but where would you hear Filter’s collab with Crystal Method, “Trip Like I do?” ….Help me out….if you know where there’s alot of great new music.

In the meantime, I heard that Filter has made a Covid Mask, so I went on their site and picked one up. If we’re going to keep wearing masks….why not make a statement with them?

Also, here’s a video about interviewing Filter’s Brian Liesgang for an Arizona Republic newspaper article. What Liesgang said about “Short Bus” album, the cover art and disability rights…it rocked my world.

Surfside, Florida

Just South of Bal Harbor, the lap of North Miami luxury, and across the way from Jared and Ivanka’s. I lived up the street from that building in 2001.

It’s hard to believe that a concrete building like this could shear and collapse. Wondering: Was it Shoddy construction? Or the process of concrete restoration that 40-year-old condo towers go through? My building was built in 1970, reinforced concrete, just like the one that fell down.

Thoughts: Make the most of the present, because it’s all we have!

On Alt Rock Music’s Mental Health Wokeness

Right after my bipolar diagnosis, I lucked into a job at a Salt Lake City Alternative Rock Radio Station. I was drawn to alt rock because of the brutal honesty of many of the artists. Filter “Hey Man, Nice Shot,” (Which is NOT about Kurt Cobain, but the late Budd Dwyer, who is well worth Googling)

Depeche Mode’s “Fly on The Windscreen,” staring death straight in the face. Kurt Cobain’s scorching bitterness. Even Sugar, Bob Mould’s band, with “A Good Idea,” addressing evil and murderous intent.

Lyric “The Air was Thick with the Smell of Temptation.” The The, PJ Harvey, I could go on and on. When my radio career ended, the music lived on in my life….(why am I speaking in past tense here)?

Anyway, this is a recap of how music has kept me afloat when mood-wise, I otherwise would’ve drowned.

Also, within the YouTube Video, I have a State-By-State list of Mental Health Drop-In centers, which are a great community resource for low cost mental health services, support and to belong to an arts-focused community of like-minded souls.