I may be depressed today, but am “Not Dead and Not For Sale” (RIP Scott Weiland)

So this guy’s name was Weiland. Most people wrote of his death to drug addiction, but I actually don’t think that’s what did him in. I read his book and have a completely different take on why he died. Lethal dose of black and white 12-step dogma. Too many life coaches and “Minders” nipping his heels.

If you watch the video, let my husband and I know what you think of our theory. And how we can promote free thinking recovery in a kind and gentle way so that people feel supported, not belittled or browbeaten. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4XmnUZ7wtY


Ok, so I’ve been on atypical antipsychotics for 21 years. They work well as mood stabilizers and even have antidepressant properties. I’m grateful for them.

They do, however, make it hard to keep my weight down. I’m hungry all the time and suffer from low self esteem. Have been in eating disorder treatment two times, but to no avail.

It’s my punk rock inspired collection of life hacks that helps me keep an even keel when my weight goes up and down.

Also, the FDA just approved a different type of appetite suppressant

Is Suboxone a forever drug for Opiate Use Disorder?

Guess what? I don’t know. What I do know is this. In 2016, I went on Suboxone ‘off-label’ for chronic pain. This was something few were doing, but because Suboxone’s active ingredient, Buprenorphine, was originally used for pain, it made sense. I got into Twice Weekly Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and gained some coping skills. The only question left at the end of those four years was whether or not my low back injury would still be paining me. Every time I got ready to detox off Subox, just to see, something came up in my life. But push came to shove and that’s what this video is about.

On Brain Chemistry, Music and having a Gangsta Mentality when depressed

I’ve been listening to Genesis Owusu and Scarface, and have noticed that depression (and substance abuse) can be a refrain. Have had poor response to some psych meds, and take a ‘gangsta’ mentality during the low times.

Incidentally, the wallpaper in this picture is not green screen fake background, it’s genuine wallpaper from my husband’s apartment from “Scarface.” This vid is dedicated to anyone whose meds stopped working and wondered about the brain chemistry behind these failures. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kraukjE1eyw

Dealing W/ Music Publishers to avoid legal issues:

I’m writing a S. Florida opiate memoir that has a Redemptive Rock and Roll Weave rolling through it. On YouTube, I have a music/mental health channel, and I DO consider opiate-dependence to be a behavioral health issue.

I want to be able to cite lyrics and song titles in my work…but there’s always the issue of copyright protection. And the music publishers, like BMG, who I repeatedly contacted regarding my request for “Fair Use,” well, I got cordial email responses, but never an answer.

So with regards to Brad Scarface Jordan of The Geto Boys, I couldn’t wait any longer to get that bullshit out in the street.

The trickiest part was figuring out how sneak the part about CVS Slangin’ Dope on Every Block WORLDWIDE! past YouTube’s Copyright Cookies or whatever they are.

I devised my own little method but I’d have LOVED to just say the whole thing rather than split it up the way I did. 

Let me know if this crazy old white lady’s take on a rap is CRINGE, CHEUGY or what.

Calling all Writers an invite to Davie Writers Group on Google Drive

This online writers critique group used to be in person before Covid…at Nova University in Ft Lauderdale Florida, but now that it’s online…anyone can participate. It’s a good group. I’ve been in it for a year and a half now, and it feels like home. The group might not always ‘get’ my crazy rock and roll opiate recovery memoir material…but they give good constructive feedback and half of us are published authors. Here’s the link with contact info:


Lived across AIA from Champlain Towers Surfside

In 2001, I lived across the street from the water in a condo. Because I used to run on the sand, I walked over the water whenever I was not working. The strip of sand on the beach was really narrow…almost too sloped and narrow to run on. It always amazed me how close the water was to the beachside condos.

Now I’m hearing that Champlain Towers were build over a hole in the ground (the parking garage)…why didn’t they put parking floors on higher levels and build the condominiums on semi-solid ground? Who is liable for this design? Anyone? The construction company probably doesn’t even exist.

Calling all writers to South Florida Writers Group on Google Drive.

Peter UttalNewSure. share it all around.

I’ve been in this group for over a year. Half of the writers are published. We used to be in person at Nova Southeastern University in Ft Lauderdale, but now we’re online. They tolerate all my mental health memoir material ….you can write about whatever. If you’ve ever considered writing as therapy or revenue stream, check us out. Anyone can participate from anywhere. All forms of writing encouraged. Above, please find blurb & contact info:

Dealing w/Record Labels, Publishing Companies to avoid legal issues

I’m writing a rock and roll opiate memoir set in South Florida. Lyrics and song references come up, like listening to a Steely Dan Record so full of self-loathing you’re gagging on the stuff, but there’s a problem…you have to get the rights or “Fair Use” permission from the labels or publishing company.

Take this Video I made about Scarface and depression, for example. I wanted to quote lyrics, had contacted BMG..went back and forth with cordial emails but never got a “Yes” or No” answer. Finally I just couldn’t wait around anymore to put my shit out on the street so I went for it.

The trickiest part was getting the lyrics past YouTube’s copyright cookies. Check out my little method and let me know what you think. I could be f’ing up my own game, but I’m a bit of a trainwreck, ya know.